So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
