I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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