Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
