I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
