his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
