I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
