Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
