I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
