the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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