i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
