You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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