Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
