Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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