David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
