Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
how do flat chested girls get laid?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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