I can tuck mytits in my pants
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
