Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
