a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
