I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
