Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
