i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
