All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
