youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
