Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
