The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
