the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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