part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
