Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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