Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
