To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
