dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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