First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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