So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
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