Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
