NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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