I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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