Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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