drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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