i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
