She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm like, not good at living.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
