Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
