Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
