On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
