I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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