CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
