Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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