Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
