i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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