I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
