Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
